Bad angsty poetry for you!Willpower.
She is small, thin—
Frail, yet stronger than I, though I could with small effort
Break her in half.
For I am round, full, still with flesh concealing purity of bone.
She is perfect.
Her every movement full of an elfin charm,
Long pixie fingers curled delicately ’round the water bottle.
Her only meal today.
She ate yesterday. She’ll be fine.
I find myself staring at the bowl in disgust.
Salad full of unwanted calories,
Counting exercises to be completed
All in efforts to become more than what I am, more than “If only you were…”
They lie to me. Soothing words meant to aid and comfort:
“You’ve got such a pretty face.”—
“But you’re so creative!”—
“You have a wonderful personality!”—
Lies lies lies lies lies lies lies
I’m—
Damaged.
Damaged goods?
No one buys damaged goods.
No one wants an ugly girl.
Wait two more hours.
Two more, and two more.
Push away the lunch, then the dinner.
Feign happiness, become the cheerful kid that everyone
…Loves?
Food becomes useless.
I eat my words, a balanced diet of
Self-hatred supplemented by angry
Stares from that girl in the mirror.
She hates me too, no doubt.
No one loves a fat girl.
Push away the glass of juice.
Two more hours
And two more again.
Two more ’till I’m prettier
‘Till I don’t need to do this anymore
Two more, two more, two more.
Success in two more.
Happiness in two more.
Love, caring, understanding.
Two more hours.
And two more.
*blink* I read. And what’s this about lies? : I really do think you’re fine the way you are. I really don’t see how someone looks should have something to do with it.
Sure, when you first see somebody - they give you an impression based on how they look. But that’s inevitable; everyone does that to everyone else. It’s not just fat or thin or whatever, it could be how clean or dirty or preppy or nerdy you look.
But once you know someone a little better, even just a bit - it doesn’t matter much any more. It might, just a bit, but not enough to make them hate you or turn away in disgust. No matter how cliche it sounds, in the end it’s just what’s inside that counts.
People who will judge you otherwise really aren’t worthy of being friends in the first place.
Comment by Justin — April 22, 2006 @ 2:35 am